I'm beyond amazed at what all God has done in my life in just over a week. And He did it because I finally began doing one thing...I jumped back into His arms after a long time of being out of them.
Nearly 2 years ago I was living in abuse at the hands of my then husband, "Simon"...I was physically, emotionally and spiritually abused and my children and I were neglected. I had been praying for 2 years that God would either change my husband and work a miracle in his heart or, he would provide a way for my children and I to escape. In July 2011, God provided a way out. He told me VERY clearly at that time, to get out of His way and to let Him have Simon all to himself. He told me this for quite a few months, yet I had a very difficult time obeying him. It went against everything I had ever known, because I had always been a loving and devoted wife, it went against my nature to let Simon be, even if he was my abuser. I was also terribly afraid of going against Simon in court to fight for custody of our 2 children; I was also newly pregnant with our 3rd child. I felt that I didn't have enough proof of the abuse to win. So instead of following God's very clear orders to get out of his way, I kept up communication via email with Simon for many months. I saved every e-mail and recorded the few phone conversations that took place. Now, I did get ample evidence over those 22 months to win my case. But the thing is, is that I didn't even need it. Because, had I trusted God and put my faith in Him, instead of elsewhere, I wouldn't have had contact with Simon and I would have been in God's will. God knew Simon's outrageous beliefs and one of those is that he believes all government is ungodly. God knew that Simon wouldn't even show up to court at all. Although I had the evidence needed to win the court case, I would have won it anyway had I obeyed God. But I chose not to and therefore remained out of God's will for 22 months. I didn't realize this until just over a week ago when the permanent custody hearing took place and I was on my way home.
Except for a handful of times, I was out of church for 22 months. All the while I was recovering from abuse, 9 months of that I was pregnant, dealing with being a single mom to 3 small kids, out of work, living with family, dealing with the loss of my marriage and what I thought was normal, trying to get back into school and I went through every emotion that you could think of. To say it was a confusing 22 months is an understatement. It would have been difficult regardless of being in God's will or out of it, however, it would have been so comforting to feel His love engulf me each day as I walked that path instead of the nothingness that I felt. I was so confused and so lost for the majority of that time. I would have had some confusion regardless, but if I would have just let God carry me I would have been so much better off. I was so very broken during those days and I tried to stand on my own without any help from God.
Healing from abuse is extraordinarily difficult but, if you do it with God's arms carrying you and His heart loving you, each day seems a little easier. Sadly, I struggled throughout those 22 months to lean on God, but as the subject on this entry says, this is what is behind me.
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