God richly blessed me in September of last year when I got word that my ex-husband (my abuser) was moving 19 hours away. I had been praying for a year that God would move him far away from us, and he did! I was so thankful because for once since 2006 (when we met), I could relax and finally breathe.
This past spring, I was able to file for full legal custody of our 3 children. They had been in my sole care for over a year and outside of sending child support and gifts on birthdays and Christmas, he has had zero contact with them for almost 2 years; he even refused supervised (required by DSS) visitation. So when I filed for custody, I was just getting the legal backing of what had been already in place for a long time. Still though, it was highly intimidating as my ex had repeatedly threatened all sorts of things if I filed for custody.
I have written before how I had been out of God's will for 22 months. God really taught me something yesterday upon receiving a phone call from my ex-mother-in-law. I have been on a spiritual high this week after being in an adult bible study for VBS. I really think it's been the first time where I have given 100% of myself to God and been able to give him my undivided attention (because I prayed for it) and boy did he ever speak to me. I need to write an entry about it because it has been awesome! Ok, I'm getting sidetracked here...ex-mother-law & phone call..
She called me and gave me some bad news (she is happy though of course), that he was moving back home and would be here week after next. She had told me a couple of weeks ago that he was a possibility because he had quit his full time job (he just didn't like it anymore) and was having a hard time finding a new one. She told me that I was more than welcome to ask her questions about it when I had the time. I thanked her for calling me and then we hung up.
I was okay for the first few minutes and then I began to feel this dark cloud come over me and engulf me in worry, fear and panic. I definitely felt shaken. I immediately began praying that God would take those feelings away, restore peace and comfort in my heart and swirl it around me so that I would feel safe in him again. I had to take one of my children to speech therapy and on the way there, I just began asking God, why he had led my ex to move 19 hours away, only to have him come back here and cause all of these feelings to come back. I was confused because it just didn't make sense. I called my mother and told her the news and asked her to pray for me which I know she did as soon as we hung up. Within just a few minutes everything made sense and my shaken state was restored.
God had led him to move away so far because that was the only thing that would get me to relax and bring calmness to me at that time; I needed it. But now that I'm back in God's will and in his arms again, my peace is found in my Lord and not in the physical distance between myself and my abuser. Now that my faith has been restored, I can trust God to take care of my children and myself. He is my rock and my refuge. Psalms 91:4 tells us "Under his wings you may seek refuge." (NAS) If your heart belongs to Jesus, fear does not have a place in your heart.
If you have fear and if you do not have a peace of mind, know that it does not come from God. The next time you have these feelings, remember the scripture that is listed in 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and of love and of a sound mind." (KJV) Anything that contradicts those things comes from Satan and he is attempting to control you and keep you from trusting God. He's trying to shake you to the point of being stirred up so much that you can't function...he wants to paralyze you with fear.
I figured out that that was what was going on yesterday. Satan was attempting to shake me up and stir fear up in me so that I would be paralyzed in my faith once again. For twenty-two months Satan had me paralyzed and right where he wanted me and I simply refuse to go back! It's no surprise that he attempted to attack me because I've been growing closer to God each day; I know Satan wants to stir me up and stop me in my tracks. However, by praying in faith that God would release me from my fears and by telling Satan to get behind me in the name of Jesus...God stopped Satan in his tracks instead!
